Pokemon Farm
by DuplexBeGreat
Summary: A parody of Animal Farm, using characters from Twitch Plays Pokemon. T for safety, as I don't remember the original book too well and I'm copying and pasting as I go along.
1. Chapter 1

**This is a parody of Animal Farm, based on Twitch Plays Pokemon FireRed. Disclaimer: I do not own Animal Farm, Pokemon, Twitch Plays Pokemon, or "Lazorgator".**

Mr. Bill, of the Kanto Region, had locked the Gates for the night, but was too drunk with power to remember to shut the Pokemon Center doors. With the ring of light from his PC dancing from side to side, he lurched across the driveway, kicked off his suit at the back door, drew himself a last glass of beer from the barrel imported from Fuschia City, and made his way up to bed, where Mrs. Bill was already snoring.

As soon as the light in the mansion went out there was a stirring and a fluttering all through the Routes. Word had gone round during the day that old Gator, the prize Feraligatr, had had a strange dream on the previous night and wished to communicate it to the other Pokemon. It had been agreed that they should all meet in the big barn as soon as Mr. Bill was safely out of the way. Old Gator (so he was always called, though the name under which he had been exhibited was General Lazor) was so highly regarded in the region that everyone was quite ready to lose an hour's sleep in order to hear what he had to say.

At one end of the big Lab, on a sort of raised platform, Gator was already ensconced in his pool of water, under a lantern which hung from a beam. He was twelve years old and had lately grown rather stout, but he was still a majestic-looking Feraligatr, with a wise and benevolent appearance in spite of the fact that his fangs and claws had never been cut. Before long the other Pokemon began to arrive and make themselves comfortable after their different fashions. First came the nine Doges, CMAAAA, A Doge, Mighty Doge, The New Doge, ATM, Pacifist Doge, Daycare Doge, Zapdoge, and The Other Doge, and then the Starters, who settled down in the pillows immediately in front of the platform. The Torchic perched themselves on the window-sills, the Pidgey fluttered up to the rafters, the Oddish and Nidoran lay down behind the Starters and began to smoke weed. The two tanks, Snake and Annie, came in together, walking very slowly and setting down their vast bodies with great care lest there should be some small Pokemon concealed in the straw. Annie was a stout motherly Hariyama approaching middle life, who had never quite got her figure back after her 200th Elite Four sweep. Snake was an enormous beast, more than thirty-one feet long, and as strong as any two ordinary Pokemon put together. A scary grin on his face gave him a somewhat stupid appearance, and in fact he was not of first-rate intelligence, but he was universally respected for his steadiness of character and tremendous powers of work. After the horses came Katie, the Dragonite, and King Fonz, the Nidoking. Fonz was the oldest Pokemon in the region, and the worst tempered. He seldom talked, and when he did, it was usually to make some cynical remark-for instance, he would say that Helix had given him a tail to keep the Venonat off, but that he would sooner have had no tail and no flies. Alone among the Pokemon in the region he never laughed. If asked why, he would say that he saw nothing to laugh at. Nevertheless, without openly admitting it, he was devoted to Snake; the two of them usually spent their Sundays together in the small field beyond Route 25, grazing side by side and never speaking.

The two tanks had just lain down when a brood of Doduo, which had lost their mother, filed into the barn, cheeping feebly and wandering from side to side to find some place where they would not be trodden on. Annie made a sort of wall round them with her great hand, and the Doduo nestled down inside it and promptly fell asleep. At the last moment Air, the foolish, pretty blue Lapras who Surfed with Red on her back, came mincing daintily in, chewing at a lump of sugar. She took a place near the front and began flirting her Princess Leia ears, hoping to draw attention to the red ribbons they were plaited with. Last of all came Nicki Minaj, who looked round, as usual, for the warmest place, and finally squeezed herself in between Snake and Annie; there she warbled horribly throughout Major's speech without listening to a word of what he was saying.

All the Pokemon were now present except Flareon, the tame Eeveelution, who slept on a perch behind Bill's mansion. When Gator saw that they had all made themselves comfortable and were waiting attentively, he cleared his throat and began:

"Comrades, you have heard already about the strange dream that I had last night. But I will come to the dream later. I have something else to say first. I do not think, comrades, that I shall be with you for many months longer, and before I die, I feel it my duty to pass on to you such wisdom as I have acquired. I have had a long life, I have had much time for thought as I lay alone in my Poke Ball, and I think I may say that I understand the nature of life on this earth as well as any Pokemon now living. It is about this that I wish to speak to you.

"Now, comrades, what is the nature of this life of ours? Let us face it: our lives are miserable, laborious, and short. We are born, we are given just so much food as will keep the breath in our bodies, and those of us who are capable of it are forced to fight to the last atom of our strength; and the very instant that our usefulness has come to an end we are released with hideous cruelty. No Pokemon in Kanto knows the meaning of happiness or leisure after he is a day old. No Pokemon in Kanto is free. The life of Pokemon is misery and slavery: that is the plain truth.

"But is this simply part of the order of nature? Is it because this land of ours is so poor that it cannot afford a decent life to those who dwell upon it? No, comrades, a thousand times no! The soil of Kanto is fertile, its climate is good, it is capable of affording food in abundance to an enormously greater number of Pokemon than now inhabit it. This single town of ours would support a dozen tanks, twenty Nidoran, hundreds of Oddish-and all of them living in a comfort and a dignity that are now almost beyond our imagining. Why then do we continue in this miserable condition? Because nearly the whole of the produce of our labour is stolen from us by human beings. There, comrades, is the answer to all our problems. It is summed up in a single word-Man. Man is the only real enemy we have. Remove Man from the scene, and the root cause of hunger and overwork is abolished for ever.

"Man is the only creature that consumes without producing. He does not give Acid, he does not lay eggs, he is too weak to fight the battles, he cannot run fast enough to catch Doges. Yet he is lord of all the Pokemon. He sets them to battle, he gives back to them the bare minimum that will prevent them from starving, and the rest he keeps for himself. Our blood stains the earth, our dung fertilizes it, and yet there is not one of us that owns more than his bare skin. You Oddish that I see before me, how many thousands of gallons of Acid have you given during this last year? And what has happened to that Acid which should have been breeding up sturdy Trips? Every drop of it has gone down the throats of our enemies. And you Torchic, how many eggs have you laid in this last year, and how many of those eggs ever hatched into Zexy? The rest have all gone to market to bring in money for Bill and his men. And you, Annie, where are those four Makuhita you bore, who should have been the support and pleasure of your old age? Each was sold at a year old-you will never see one of them again. In return for your four confinements and all your labour in battle, what have you ever had except your bare rations and a stall?

"And even the miserable lives we lead are not allowed to reach their natural span. For myself I do not grumble, for I am one of the lucky ones. I am twelve years old and have had over four hundred children. Such is the natural life of a Starter. But no animal escapes the cruel knife in the end. You young Charmeleon who is sitting in front of me, you will scream your life out at the PC within a year. To that horror we all must come-Nidoran, Starters, Zexy, Oddish, everyone. Even the tanks and the Doges have no better fate. You, Snake, the very day that those great muscles of yours lose their power, Bill will sell you to the knacker, who will smash your iron skin and boil you down for the Golbat. As for the Doges, when they grow old and toothless, Bill ties a brick round their necks and drowns them in the nearest pond.

"Is it not Crystal clear, then, comrades, that all the evils of this life of ours spring from the tyranny of human beings? Only get rid of Man, and the produce of our battles would be our own. Almost overnight we could become rich and free. What then must we do? Why, work night and day, body and soul, for the overthrow of the human race! That is my message to you, comrades: Rebellion! I do not know when that Rebellion will come, it might be in a week or in a hundred years, but I know, as surely as I see this straw beneath my feet, that sooner or later justice will be done. Fix your eyes on that, comrades, throughout the short remainder of your lives! And above all, pass on this message of mine to those who come after you, so that future Generations shall carry on the struggle until it is victorious.

"And remember, comrades, your resolution must never falter. No argument must lead you astray. Never listen when they tell you that Man and the Pokemon have a common interest, that the prosperity of the one is the prosperity of the others. It is all lies. Man serves the interests of no creature except himself. And among us animals let there be perfect unity, perfect comradeship in the struggle. All men are enemies. All Pokemon are comrades."

At this moment there was a tremendous uproar. While Gator was speaking four large Raticate and a Rattata had crept out of their holes and were sitting on their hindquarters, listening to him. The Doges had suddenly caught sight of them, and it was only by a swift dash for their holes that the rats saved their lives. Gator raised his claw for silence.

"Comrades," he said, "here is a point that must be settled. The wild Pokemon, such as Raticate and Venonat-are they our friends or our enemies? Let us put it to the vote. I propose this question to the meeting: Are Raticate comrades?"

The vote was taken at once, and it was agreed by an overwhelming majority that Raticate were comrades. There were only ten dissentients, the nine Doges and Nicki Minaj, who was afterwards discovered to have voted on both sides. Gator continued:

"I have little more to say. I merely repeat, remember always your duty of enmity towards Man and all his ways. Whatever uses the PC is an enemy. Whatever goes inside a Poke Ball is a friend. And remember also that in fighting against Man, we must not come to resemble him. Even when you have conquered him, do not adopt his vices. No Pokemon must ever live in a house, or sleep in a bed, or wear clothes, or touch Poke, or engage in Trade. All the habits of Man are evil. And, above all, no Pokemon must ever tyrannise over his own kind. Weak or strong, clever or simple, we are all brothers. No Pokemon must ever kill any other Pokemon. All Pokmon are equal.

"And now, comrades, I will tell you about my dream of last night. I cannot describe that dream to you. It was a dream of the earth as it will be when Man has vanished. But it reminded me of something that I had long forgotten. Many years ago, when I was a little Totodile, my mother and the other Starters used to sing an old song of which they knew only the tune and the first three words. I had known that tune in my infancy, but it had long since passed out of my mind. Last night, however, it came back to me in my dream. And what is more, the words of the song also came back-words, I am certain, which were sung by the Pokemon of long ago and have been lost to memory for Generations. I will sing you that song now, comrades. I am old and my voice is hoarse, but when I have taught you the tune, you can sing it better for yourselves. It is called 'Lazorgator'."

Old Gator cleared his throat and began to sing. As he had said, his voice was hoarse, but he sang well enough, and it was a stirring tune, something between 'Praise the Helix' and 'All Terrain Victory'. The words ran:

A Totodile so young and brave  
He shot lasers from his eyes and made a Scary Face  
The voices would guide his way  
In the land of Johto, chosen by AJ

There was an Admiral who taught him to aim  
Then he was gone and nothing's the same  
He picked up the sword,  
and he solemnly swore his revenge

See you later,  
Lazor Gator...  
In a while,  
Totodile...  
He goes to deliver  
A message to Mt. Silver  
The Helix knew it all along  
"No gods, no kings, only 'Mon"

Only 'Mon,  
No gods, no kings, only 'Mon

In the shadow of the age before  
A Gator and Brian try to find who they are  
No they're not the saviours you're looking for  
The voices raised a cry, "Release the Gator!"

In the struggle, Prince Omelette was slain  
If this is anarchy, who can we blame?  
He'll make amends for all of his friends  
in the end...

See you later,  
Lazor Gator...  
In a while,  
Totodile...  
He goes to deliver  
A message to Mt. Silver  
The Helix knew it all along  
"No gods, no kings, only 'Mon"

Only 'Mon,  
No gods, no kings, only 'Mon

The singing of this song threw the Pokemon into the wildest excitement. Almost before Gator had reached the end, they had begun singing it for themselves. Even the stupidest of them had already picked up the tune and a few of the words, and as for the clever ones, such as the Starters and Doges, they had the entire song by heart within a few minutes. And then, after a few preliminary tries, the whole Lab burst out into 'Lazorgator' in tremendous unison. The Nidoran lowed it, the Doges whined it, the Oddish bleated it, the tanks grunted it, the Doduo quacked it. They were so delighted with the song that they sang it right through five times in succession, and might have continued singing it all night if they had not been interrupted.

Unfortunately, the uproar awoke Mr. Bill, who sprang out of bed, making sure that there was a Vulpix in the yard. He seized the PC which always stood in a corner of his bedroom, and let fly a charge of Box 6 shot into the darkness. The lasers buried themselves in the wall of the Lab and the meeting broke up hurriedly. Everyone fled to his own sleeping-place. The Pidgey jumped on to their perches, the Pokemon settled down in the straw, and the whole region was asleep in a moment.


	2. Chapter 2

**I highly encourage anyone to take their copy of Animal Farm, or find it free online, and read it along side this to see how clever I am.**

Three nights later old Gator died peacefully in his sleep. His body was buried at Ilex Forest.

This was early in March. During the next three months there was much secret activity. Gator's speech had given to the more intelligent Pokemon in the region a completely new outlook on life. They did not know when the Rebellion predicted by Gator would take place, they had no reason for thinking that it would be within their own lifetime, but they saw clearly that it was their duty to prepare for it. The work of teaching and organising the others fell naturally upon the Starters, who were generally recognized as being the cleverest of the Pokemon. Pre-eminent among the Starters were two young Pokemon named Meow Zedong and Stalinking, whom Mr. Bill was breeding up for sale with special non-normal moves. Stalinking was a large, rather fierce-looking Slaking, the only Slaking in the Lab, not much of a talker, but with a reputation for getting his own way thanks to his power. Meow Zedong was a more vivacious Pokemon than Stalinking, quicker in speech and more inventive, but was not considered to have the same depth of character. The best known among the other Starters was a small Masquerain named Hyperbug, with very big wings, fake eyes, nimble movements, and a Hyper Beam attack. He was a brilliant talker, and when he was arguing some difficult point he had a way of skipping from side to side and whisking his tail which was somehow very persuasive. The others said of Hyperbug that he could turn black into white.

These three had elaborated old Gator's teachings into a complete system of thought, to which they gave the name of Commeownism. Several nights a week, after Mr. Bill was asleep, they held secret meetings in the barn and expounded the principles of Commeownism to the others. At the beginning they met with much stupidity and apathy. Some of the Pokemon talked of the duty of loyalty to Mr. Bill, whom they referred to as "Master," or made elementary remarks such as "Mr. Bill feeds us. If he were gone, we should starve to death." Others asked such questions as "Why should we care what happens after we are dead?" or "If this Rebellion is to happen anyway, what difference does it make whether we work for it or not?", and the Starters had great difficulty in making them see that this was contrary to the spirit of Commeownism. The stupidest questions of all were asked by Air, the Lapras. The very first question she asked Meow Zedong was: "Will there still be basketball after the Rebellion?"

"No," said Meow Zedong firmly. "We have no means of making basketballs in this region. Besides, you do not need basketball. You will have all the Poke Balls and battles you want."

"And shall I still be allowed to wear a cap upon my head?" asked Air.

"Comrade," said Meow Zedong, "that cap that you are so devoted to is the Badge of slavery. Can you not understand that liberty is worth more than a cap?"

Air agreed, but she did not sound very convinced.

The Starters had an even harder struggle to counteract the lies put about by Flareon, the tame Eeveelution. Flareon, who was Mr. Bill's especial pet, was a spy and a tale-bearer, but she was also a clever talker. She claimed to know of the existence of a mysterious country called Pokepark, to which all Pokemon went when they died. It was situated somewhere up in the sky, a little distance beyond the clouds, Flareon said. In Pokepark it was Sunday seven days a week, Acid was in season all the year round, and Rare Candies and Vitamins grew on the hedges. The Pokemon hated Flareon because she told tales and did no work, but some of them believed in Pokepark, and the Starters had to argue very hard to persuade them that there was no such place.

Their most faithful disciples were the two tanks, Snake and Annie. These two had great difficulty in thinking anything out for themselves, but having once accepted the Starters as their teachers, they absorbed everything that they were told, and passed it on to the other Pokemon by simple arguments. They were unfailing in their attendance at the secret meetings in the Lab, and led the singing of 'Lazorgator', with which the meetings always ended.

Now, as it turned out, the Rebellion was achieved much earlier and more easily than anyone had expected. In past years Mr. Bill, although a hard master, had been a capable Trainer, but of late he had fallen on evil days. He had become much disheartened after losing money in a battle, and had taken to drinking more than was good for him. For whole days at a time he would lounge in his lair chair in the mansion, screwing with the lives of Trainers, drinking, and occasionally feeding Flareon on Acid soaked in beer. His thugs were idle and dishonest, the Routes were full of weeds, the buildings wanted roofing, the ledges were neglected, and the Pokemon were underfed.

June came and the hay was almost ready for cutting. On Midsummer's Eve, which was a Saturday, Mr. Bill went into Cerulean and got so drunk while beating Misty that he did not come back till midday on Sunday. The men had battled the Nidoran in the early morning and then had gone out catching, without bothering to feed the Pokemon. When Mr. Bill got back he immediately went to sleep on the drawing-room sofa with the Evil Genius's Weekly over his face, so that when evening came, the Pokemon were still unfed. At last they could stand it no longer. One of the Nidoran broke in the door of the mansion's kitchen with her horn and all the Pokemon began to help themselves from the bins. It was just then that Mr. Bill woke up. The next moment he and his four thugs, Celio, Bebe, Amanita, and Cassius were in the kitchen with PCs in their hands, lashing out in all directions. This was more than the hungry Pokemon could bear. With one accord, though nothing of the kind had been planned beforehand, they flung themselves upon their tormentors. Bill and his thugs suddenly found themselves being butted and kicked from all sides. The situation was quite out of their control. They had never seen Pokemon behave like this before, and this sudden uprising of creatures whom they were used to thrashing and maltreating just as they chose, frightened them almost out of their wits. After only a moment or two they gave up trying to defend themselves and took to their heels. A minute later all five of them were in full flight to the Vermillion Port that led to other regions, with the Pokemon pursuing them in triumph.

Lanette, Bill's wife, looked out of the bedroom window, saw what was happening, hurriedly flung a few possessions into a carpet bag, and slipped out of the region by another way. Flareon sprang off her perch and ran after her, roaring loudly. Meanwhile the Pokemon had chased Bill and his thugs out on to the Port and slammed the S. S. Anne's door behind them. And so, almost before they knew what was happening, the Rebellion had been successfully carried through: Bill was expelled, and the Kanto Region was theirs.

For the first few minutes the Pokemon could hardly believe in their good fortune. Their first act was to gallop in a body right round the boundaries of the region, as though to make quite sure that no PC servant was hiding anywhere upon it; then they raced back to the Mansion to wipe out the last traces of Bill's hated reign. The brainwashing chamber in the mansion's basement was broken open; the shock collars, the tranquilizers, the Doge-chains, the cruel knives with which Mr. Bill had been used to castrate the Starters and Oddish, were all flung down the PC. So were the whips. All the Pokemon capered with joy when they saw the whips fall into the void. Meow Zedong also threw into the PC the cap with which the Air's head had usually been decorated.

"Custom sprites," he said, "should be considered as clothes, which are the mark of a human being. All Pokemon should go naked."

When Snake heard this he fetched the small Leftovers which he held in Mt. Silver to keep his HP up, and flung them into the PC with the rest.

In a very little while the Pokemon had destroyed everything that reminded them of Mr. Bill. Stalinking then led them back to the kitchen and served out a double ration of Rare Candies to everybody, with two biscuits for each Doge. Then they sang 'Lazorgator' from end to end seven times running, and after that they settled down for the night and slept as they had never slept before.

But they woke at dawn as usual, and suddenly remembering the glorious thing that had happened, they all raced out into the Routes together. A little way down the pasture there was a knoll that commanded a view of most of the region. The Pokemon rushed to the top of it and gazed round them in the clear morning light. Yes, it was theirs-everything that they could see was theirs! In the ecstasy of that thought they gambolled round and round, they hurled themselves into the air in great leaps of excitement. They rolled in the dew, they cropped mouthfuls of the sweet summer grass, they kicked up clods of the black earth and snuffed its rich scent. Then they made a tour of inspection of the whole region and surveyed with speechless admiration the Safari Zone, the Rock Tunnel, the Mt. Moon, the ocean, the Lab. It was as though they had never seen these things before, and even now they could hardly believe that it was all their own.

Then they filed back to the mansion and halted in silence outside the front door. That was theirs too, but they were frightened to go inside. After a moment, however, Meow Zedong and Stalinking butted the door open and the Pokemon entered in single file, walking with the utmost care for fear of disturbing anything. They tiptoed from room to room, afraid to speak above a whisper and gazing with a kind of awe at the unbelievable luxury, at the beds with their feather mattresses, the Silph Scopes, the Rapidash-hair sofa, the Saffron carpet, the lithograph of Mother Suicune over the drawing-room mantelpiece. They were lust coming down the stairs when Air was discovered to be missing. Going back, the others found that she had remained behind in the best bedroom. She had taken a piece of blue ribbon from Lanette's dressing-table, and was holding it against her shoulder and admiring herself in the glass in a very foolish manner. The others reproached her sharply, and they went outside. Some Starter bodies lying in the PC were taken out for burial, and the barrel of Acid in the scullery was stove in with a whip from Snake's tail, otherwise nothing in the mansion was touched. A unanimous resolution was passed on the spot that the mansion should be preserved as a museum. All were agreed that no Pokemon must ever live there.

The Pokemon had their breakfast, and then Meow Zedong and Stalinking called them together again.

"Comrades," said Meow Zedong, "it is half-past six and we have a long day before us. Today we begin the battle tournament. But there is another matter that must be attended to first."

The Starters now revealed that during the past three months they had taught themselves to read and write from an old spelling book which had belonged to Mr. Bill's children and which had been thrown on the rubbish heap. Stalinking sent for pots of black and white paint and led the way down to the Indigo Plateau that led west to Johto. Then Meow Zedong (for it was Meow Zedong who was best at writing) took a brush between the two knuckles of his paw, painted out KANTO REGION from the top bar of the gate and in its place painted POKEMON REGION. This was to be the name of the region from now onwards. After this they went back to the Lab, where Meow Zedong and Stalinking sent for a ladder which they caused to be set against the end wall of the Lab. They explained that by their studies of the past three months the Starters had succeeded in reducing the principles of Commeownism to Seven Commandments. These Seven Commandments would now be inscribed on the wall; they would form an unalterable law by which all the Pokemon in the Pokemon Region must live for ever after. With some difficulty (for it is not easy for a Skitty to balance himself on a ladder) Meow Zedong climbed up and set to work, with Hyperbug a few rungs below him holding the paint-pot. The Commandments were written on the tarred wall in great white letters that could be read thirty yards away. They ran thus:

THE SEVEN COMMANDMENTS

1\. Whatever uses a PC is an enemy.

2\. Whatever goes inside a Pokeball is a friend.

3\. No Pokemon shall wear clothes or custom sprites.

4\. No Pokemon shall sleep in a bed or out of a Pokeball.

5\. No Pokemon shall drink alcohol, only Acid.

6\. No Pokemon shall kill any other animal, nor banish them to the PC.

7\. All Pokemon are equal.

It was very neatly written, and except that "friend" was written "freind" and one of the "S's" was the wrong way round, the spelling was correct all the way through. Meow Zedong read it aloud for the benefit of the others. All the Pokemon nodded in complete agreement, and the cleverer ones at once began to learn the Commandments by heart.

"Now, comrades," cried Meow Zedong, throwing down the paint-brush, "to the battle arena! Let us make it a point of honour to get in the battles more quickly than Bill and his thugs could do."

But at this moment the thirty Oddish, who had seemed uneasy for some time past, set up a loud whining. They had not been milked for Acid for twenty-four hours, and their Weeds were almost bursting. After a little thought, the Starters sent for buckets and milked the Oddish fairly successfully, their paws being well adapted to this task. Soon there were fifty buckets of Acid at which many of the Pokemon looked with considerable interest.

"What is going to happen to all that Acid?" said someone.

"Bill used sometimes to mix some of it in our mash," said one of the Torchic.

"Never mind the Acid, comrades!" cried Stalinking, placing himself in front of the buckets. "That will be attended to. The battles are more important. Comrade Meow Zedong will lead the way. I shall follow in a few minutes. Forward, comrades! The battles are waiting."

So the Pokemon trooped down to the battle arena to begin the tournament, and when they came back in the evening it was noticed that the Acid had disappeared.


End file.
